Endometriosis: What is it?

My fingers hesitate, and my heart is racing in my chest. It is March. March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and I have been trying to write my feelings all month, but haven't had the courage... With that being said, I am going to do something I never, ever do. I consider myself a private person, and I have never come right out and said "I HAVE ENDOMETRIOSIS" to anyone other than family and close friends.  I am sharing this for 2 reasons: Firstly, I am going to describe endometriosis to bring awareness to it because I *wish* someone would have broken it down for me from the beginning. Secondly, I am going to get extremely personal and raw, and I am going to describe my own relationship with endometriosis, in an attempt to help anyone out there, because I know what is like to feel alone, when dealing with this condition.

What is Endometriosis?

*Quick Anatomy lesson* Each and every month, women build up a layer of tissue in their uterus, which they shed. It is called the "endometrial layer", and it is shed "during that time of the month". When a woman has endometriosis, she grows the endometrial layer inside her uterus, but she also grows it in other places, outside of her uterus. This layer can grow on the Fallopian tubes, on the ovaries, and inside the abdominal cavity (and even attach itself onto other organs). Because a woman grows the endometrial layer outside of her uterus, she experiences extreme pain, during periods, intercourse, and can struggle to become pregnant because endometriosis can cause fertility issues. 

Most people associate endometriosis with extreme pain. But what does that mean? Endometriosis cannot be helped with Midol, or Alieve, or any of the other common medications to help with menstrual pains. The pain can be so unbearable, that a woman must be hospitalized, and treated with strong pain killers in the Emergency Room. This type of pain is different from menstrual pain because it doesn't go away after an hour or two, it can linger for days. It makes working, going to class, or even walking to the bathroom to shower, impossible. 

When I was diagnosed, I had been hospitalized, and had an emergency surgery to discover the cause of my pain. My mom had never even heard of endometriosis, so the diagnosis was unexpected. but we found out that endometriosis can be genetic, and upon further investigation, we discovered my aunt (mom's sister who passed away in 2012) had it and could not ever have children. When my Doctor preformed the surgery, he determined that I was at a stage 1, which does not equate to your pain level.  My doctor explained that some woman at stage 4 never have pain or an issue and have 8 kids, while another woman at a stage 1 end up in the ER for pain. They base each stage off of how much tissue they find outside the uterus.

This was me right after I bawled my eyes out, and right before I threw up everything I had eaten that week. Post surgery. Endometriosis is NOT glamorous. 

Treatment for endometriosis is as follows: in the best case scenario, you become pregnant. If you can't, or are not ready for that, you are then encouraged to use the Depo Provera Shot (an inject-able 3 month birth control that eliminates periods). The downside to Depo is that it can cause weight gain, fragile bones, periodontal issues (my teeth began to fall out when I stopped taking the Depo), and in some cases, women do not get their period back for up to 2 years after stopping it. 

Endometriosis is More Than Just "Painful Periods".

Endometriosis is hospital stays, and shots that hurt for up to a week. It is missing class and work, and trying to explain why, without getting too personal. It is my husband picking me up off of the floor to reassure me for the millionth time that I am not any less than any other wife, or woman because I am struggling with this issue, and becoming very familiar with "backup plans" for us to have a family. It is me, sitting in the last row of the church, avoiding eye contact with people, and begging the Lord to give me the strength to "keep it together" after person after person after person after person after person asks me "when I am going to get serious about starting my family" because "we have been married for 2.5 years, and were not getting any younger" like I forgot, or something (like it isn't on my mind 24/7). It is the doctor's palms getting sweaty because she is running out of options to help me, and that fact that I should have had a period 6 months ago, but we are stillllll waiting....and on and on and on. 

But what makes all of this bearable? His name is Cameron. He is the most supportive husband, and loving companion. We have taken turns wiping each other's tears away through this struggle,and it is making us stronger. He loves me even though I have a mood swing every 7 minutes, and faithful helps me through this challenge. As for now, we are waiting. We know that one day, we will have a family, maybe it will be the traditional way, and maybe not, but that is OKAY.  We will get through this together.

If you have questions, or personal a experience with Endometriosis, please feel free to reach out, if you want to share your own story, or just need to talk, I am  here to listen. You are not alone, even if it feels that way, and I would be so happy to talk to you about it, that is partly why I posted this! Thank you for reading this all the way through, I hope this gave you a bit of an understanding, or comfort or both.

Love, Ashley