Endometriosis: What is it?

My fingers hesitate, and my heart is racing in my chest. It is March. March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and I have been trying to write my feelings all month, but haven't had the courage... With that being said, I am going to do something I never, ever do. I consider myself a private person, and I have never come right out and said "I HAVE ENDOMETRIOSIS" to anyone other than family and close friends.  I am sharing this for 2 reasons: Firstly, I am going to describe endometriosis to bring awareness to it because I *wish* someone would have broken it down for me from the beginning. Secondly, I am going to get extremely personal and raw, and I am going to describe my own relationship with endometriosis, in an attempt to help anyone out there, because I know what is like to feel alone, when dealing with this condition.

What is Endometriosis?

*Quick Anatomy lesson* Each and every month, women build up a layer of tissue in their uterus, which they shed. It is called the "endometrial layer", and it is shed "during that time of the month". When a woman has endometriosis, she grows the endometrial layer inside her uterus, but she also grows it in other places, outside of her uterus. This layer can grow on the Fallopian tubes, on the ovaries, and inside the abdominal cavity (and even attach itself onto other organs). Because a woman grows the endometrial layer outside of her uterus, she experiences extreme pain, during periods, intercourse, and can struggle to become pregnant because endometriosis can cause fertility issues. 

Most people associate endometriosis with extreme pain. But what does that mean? Endometriosis cannot be helped with Midol, or Alieve, or any of the other common medications to help with menstrual pains. The pain can be so unbearable, that a woman must be hospitalized, and treated with strong pain killers in the Emergency Room. This type of pain is different from menstrual pain because it doesn't go away after an hour or two, it can linger for days. It makes working, going to class, or even walking to the bathroom to shower, impossible. 

When I was diagnosed, I had been hospitalized, and had an emergency surgery to discover the cause of my pain. My mom had never even heard of endometriosis, so the diagnosis was unexpected. but we found out that endometriosis can be genetic, and upon further investigation, we discovered my aunt (mom's sister who passed away in 2012) had it and could not ever have children. When my Doctor preformed the surgery, he determined that I was at a stage 1, which does not equate to your pain level.  My doctor explained that some woman at stage 4 never have pain or an issue and have 8 kids, while another woman at a stage 1 end up in the ER for pain. They base each stage off of how much tissue they find outside the uterus.

This was me right after I bawled my eyes out, and right before I threw up everything I had eaten that week. Post surgery. Endometriosis is NOT glamorous. 

Treatment for endometriosis is as follows: in the best case scenario, you become pregnant. If you can't, or are not ready for that, you are then encouraged to use the Depo Provera Shot (an inject-able 3 month birth control that eliminates periods). The downside to Depo is that it can cause weight gain, fragile bones, periodontal issues (my teeth began to fall out when I stopped taking the Depo), and in some cases, women do not get their period back for up to 2 years after stopping it. 

Endometriosis is More Than Just "Painful Periods".

Endometriosis is hospital stays, and shots that hurt for up to a week. It is missing class and work, and trying to explain why, without getting too personal. It is my husband picking me up off of the floor to reassure me for the millionth time that I am not any less than any other wife, or woman because I am struggling with this issue, and becoming very familiar with "backup plans" for us to have a family. It is me, sitting in the last row of the church, avoiding eye contact with people, and begging the Lord to give me the strength to "keep it together" after person after person after person after person after person asks me "when I am going to get serious about starting my family" because "we have been married for 2.5 years, and were not getting any younger" like I forgot, or something (like it isn't on my mind 24/7). It is the doctor's palms getting sweaty because she is running out of options to help me, and that fact that I should have had a period 6 months ago, but we are stillllll waiting....and on and on and on. 

But what makes all of this bearable? His name is Cameron. He is the most supportive husband, and loving companion. We have taken turns wiping each other's tears away through this struggle,and it is making us stronger. He loves me even though I have a mood swing every 7 minutes, and faithful helps me through this challenge. As for now, we are waiting. We know that one day, we will have a family, maybe it will be the traditional way, and maybe not, but that is OKAY.  We will get through this together.

If you have questions, or personal a experience with Endometriosis, please feel free to reach out, if you want to share your own story, or just need to talk, I am  here to listen. You are not alone, even if it feels that way, and I would be so happy to talk to you about it, that is partly why I posted this! Thank you for reading this all the way through, I hope this gave you a bit of an understanding, or comfort or both.

Love, Ashley

8 Things I've Learned About Marriage After Being Married A Month

Today marks the one month anniversary for me and my wonderful husband Cameron, and it has been the best, and most amazing month of my life. Our wedding was such a whirlwind, and things have finally died down a bit since then to leave us, two married people, and a whole lot of  learning to do. Here are 8 things that I have learned so far since I have been married. I'm definitely no expert, but these are just some simple truths that I have discovered as a married woman.

1. In the event of an argument: Feed husband immediately, he is probably Hangry. (Hangry: A combination between hunger and angry). Seriously, we don't argue much, but when it happens, eating something sure helps us both!

2. People are Judgemental. Yes, I'm only 21, yes I married young, but YES. I am happier than I have ever been. I did NOT settle.  I did give things up when I got married- I gave up awkward dinner dates, I gave up being lonely, and I gave up being incomplete. I knew what I was doing when I married my best friend, and it is a blessing I married him because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for asking.

3. Marriage is hard. Marriage is sort of like being in a foreign country, and not being able to speak the language very well. It can be stressful at first, and confusing too, but it is so wonderful to go places you've never been, and to learn to communicate easier as well. Slowly but surely that once stressful chaotic place will be a safe haven. (Luckily, my husband is amazing, he helps me, and loves me, and makes the marriage transition a pleasure).

4. I am not perfect, and that is TOTALLY FINE. The Lord loves me, and my husband loves me, and even though things aren't always perfect, trying my best is all I can do. Each day, I strive for improvement, and each day I learn new things.

5. Differences keep things interesting, and similarities keep us close. We love each other for both our differences and our similarities.

6. Nightly prayer saves us! Holding hands while talking to God makes our relationship incredibly special. Having God in the center of our marriage has made us appreciative for this life changing adventure together. Praying at night prevents us from going to bed angry, and gives us gratitude for days past, and hope for days to come.

7. Things don't always go as planned. We have learned to adjust our sails when the wind doesn't take us where we desire to go. We adjust the sails on a daily basis and have become quite good at it. We work together to solve problems, and we are comforted to know that we are on the same team (thank goodness!).

8. We are still us. Ashley and Cameron are still just as Ashley and Cameron as they were before they got married. We do dorky things, we mess around, we hang out, we love to go out, and we enjoy all of the things we did before we got married. The only thing that is different about us is that we live at the same address now.

One of my favorite quotes about marriage that I completely agree with!:


-Ashley

I'm ENGAGED!

I haven't updated in a couple of months because I have been so busy, but here is a recap of what happened two weeks ago! Disclaimer, this entry is so cheesy that lactose intolerant people (myself being one of them), might feel the effects after reading this post if you know what I mean. Alright, here is the full story, I hope you enjoy it!

Once upon a time, I met Cameron William Cox. We were friends in college, and currently, we have known each other for over a year. We stayed in contact, even when we were separated over the summer, and our friendship continued, and I shall have you know, I did NOT come to school at BYU-I(do), to get married. One day, at the beginning of last semester, Cameron asked me out and...I came home and cried. Not because he was weird, or smelled like celery, but it was that we were friends and I didn't want to date and have things go south, I didn't want to hurt our friendship, which I cherished. I agreed to let him take me out, and our first date was to the Teton Dam, on our first date, Cameron spilled his soda on me. What a keeper. ;)

After about 3 weeks and many dates, we became official. I had already met most of his family, and I tried to dump him 2 times, still afraid that if we got too serious, it might mess up our friendship, to counteract that, naturally, we started dating officially. Yes. Our first kiss was an accident, and when it happened I looked at him for about ten solid minutes unable to believe it happened! I went in to kiss him on the cheek (he did it to me, it was only fair that I get to do it to him) and he kissed me right on the mouth. :* We dated for 5 months, he asked my dad for permission, and got it, and on February 21st, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

 "Will you?"

Well, he lied to me, and said he didn't have the ring, but of course, he did. He lied to me and said that we were going to celebrate his brothers birthday a day early. He lied and said a bunch of his family was coming to celebrate this brothers birthday. He lied and said he wasn't going to proposed until March. And I believed him, and was completely surprised. We decided to go and "feed the ducks" (that's what they are calling it these days apparently), so that Cameron's nephews could run around and play, but we got separated from his family and were walking down on a pier in Idaho Falls. We stopped and he proposed with the Idaho Falls temple in the background, and a bunch of flashing camera's from the bush next to us! I don't know if he knows what he is getting himself into, because I sleep punch, and eat cheese and Nutella together, and do other bizzare things, but I do know one thing: Cameron makes me so happy and I can think of nothing better than to be with him for eternity.

"Yes. A million times over!"

Just after he proposed-We are SO happy!!!

Here is my BEAUTIFUL ring!!!

I just want to say a quick thank you to all who could come, and all who helped out! I love you all. I am so excited to become Mrs. Ashley Cox!

So now you know what my life has been like, and I can't even think about wedding things until I finish this semester or my grades will all tank. Not focusing on a wedding is so difficult, but it will be okay. The good Lord loves me, and I am so happy with things! I never thought I'd get to call Cameron mine, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. Have a great week!

-Ashley!